


It's Hard to Make a Change

by Yergink



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Manipulation, Gen, Minor Character Death, My First Work in This Fandom, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-15
Updated: 2016-06-23
Packaged: 2018-07-15 03:31:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7205195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yergink/pseuds/Yergink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sans knows that the world is meaningless.<br/>Anything that happens, anything that changes, will be overruled by the eventual reset.<br/>Nothing HE does is any different.<br/>...<br/>So why should it matter if he kills someone?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. An Accident

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, so--  
> this is a project I'd started maybe a few months ago, written and posted the first chapter of, and then abandoned.  
> The reason this happened was because I decided that I was going to have a once a week update schedule, failed to meet that goal, panicked, and ended up deleting the work and forgetting about it.  
> Now, with new vigor, I've put my heart to finishing this story. The first chapter is the same, but I made major changes to what I had originally planned and ended up changing the title as well. To something I thought was more fitting.  
> Please enjoy.

Power is a drug.

 

Subtle, but potent. Side effects mostly include arrogance and overconfidence. Easy to come across, in small doses, either consciously or not.

 

Incredibly addictive.

 

It’s never easy to accept a problem like that. An addiction. It’s not easy to accept that something like that could happen. You just keep believing you can stop, believing that it isn’t as much of a problem as it is, believing that you’re just fine. Until it destroys you.

 

On the day it all started, Sans could never have imagined how downhill it would all go.

 

The day began as most days did for him. Waking up much too late in the day (although being underground made it hard to tell time), staring up at the much too familiar ceiling of his bedroom (he had memorized every imperfection), with a headache that sat much too heavily on his skull (pounding, pounding, pounding).

 

A reset. He was sure.

 

Hazy colors swam in his mind as he grasped for memories. Flashes of vibrant yellow and muted greens dominated the blurry images, but the context for it all eluded him. Lying still, he tried to focus the scenes but found the more his attention directed to them, the further and further they slipped away, until fading altogether in the recesses of his mind.

 

That was the most frustrating part of it all.

 

He didn’t bother with moving, not yet anyway, and instead let himself relax on the lumpy mattress and take in the sounds of the house. Or, more precisely, the odd silence of it. It was a strange difference. Quiet nothingness growing and brimming in each and every corner wasn’t something Sans was used to. Neither was the darkness in the room, pressing in from all sides. Hadn’t he fixed his lamp? He could almost see it. Papyrus’ nagging finally getting to him. A reluctant agreement. Unscrewing the flashlight he had haphazardly stuffed under the lampshade and putting in a working bulb. The grin on his brother’s face.

 

A flickering scene, there and gone, in less than an instant.

 

A breathy sigh left him as he began working on convincing himself to get up. Mornings were always the worst. All he wanted to do was sleep some more. Sleeping was great. It meant he didn’t have to do anything, and he loved not doing anything.

 

Mornings without Papyrus were especially bad. He wasn’t quite sure why, but with his brother around, life seemed just a bit easier to endure.

 

It took a bit of time, but Sans managed to win the internal battle and persuaded himself to get out of bed. Sloppily throwing on his jacket and slippers, he exited his room and let the door close and lock behind him before the temptation of more sleep could get to him.

 

As he headed down the stairs, he couldn’t help but notice the silence once more. God, the house felt so dreadfully _empty._ Why did Papyrus have to have training so early in the morning? Or… late in the afternoon, as it was. Training on weekdays was in the morning, wasn’t it? What day was today? Sans struggled to remember, but gave up rather quickly. It wasn’t really something that mattered, anyway.

 

He pulled himself into the kitchen and wasted no time, going straight for the fridge and letting the cool air from inside waft over him and jolt him awake. He began to dig around the numerous containers of spaghetti (he could have sworn he left some chips in here) when a bit of faded yellow paper attached to one of the small boxes caught his attention. He pulled it out, placing the container on the table and pulling the paper off it to read.

 

‘DEAR SANS, SEEING AS I WILL NOT BE HOME WHEN YOU FINALLY WAKE UP, AS I AM OFF DOING VERY IMPORTANT TRAINING WITH UNDYNE TODAY, I TOOK IT UPON MYSELF TO COOK YOU SOME FRESH SPAGHETTI! PLEASE ENJOY IT TO THE FULLEST!

YOUR COOL BROTHER, PAPYRUS’

 

Sans felt a tired sort of grin come over him. “Bro, you shouldn’t have,” he mumbled, peeling off the top of the container. Inside was a messy pile of hard, undercooked pasta, bits of tomato and various other vegetables messily chopped and thrown in amongst it. “Heh...you really shouldn’t have.”

 

Sans decided it was more the thought than the meal itself that mattered and with that reassurance, he took the inedible wreck and carefully placed it back in the fridge, stuffing the note in his pocket afterwards.

 

~~~

 

The bitter air of Snowdin nipped at him as Sans trudged through the heavy snow to his sentry point at the edge of the forest. The trip was a relatively quick one (with a couple of well-placed shortcuts) and soon he was sitting behind the moderately well built wooden stand that served as his station.

 

He folded his arms on the unstable board that worked as a sort of countertop and rested his head on them. The little pinpricks of light in his eye sockets shifted upwards at the copse of dark, towering trees reaching arm like branches to the roof of the cavern above.

 

Being a sentry was an incredibly boring job. This was something Sans realized very early on. But at least he could nap and get away with it.

 

Sure, he had convinced himself awake and out of bed, but exhaustion still weighed down on him like he was carrying a ton of bricks on his back. His eye sockets started to close, view of the snow laden world around him narrowing ever so slightly. A few extra minutes wouldn’t hurt. Surely, Papyrus would show up to check on him soon, and after being scolded for sleeping on the job, he would go and talk to the woman behind the door. He hadn’t talked to her yesterday and felt a bit bad about skipping their daily meeting.

 

It was just as Sans’ view turned dark that a voice caught his attention. A bit high and grating. Immediately, his eyes shot open, the shards of light within them frantically scanning his surroundings. He noticed the Icecap sauntering a few meters away from his station quickly, it’s loud pleas for attention muddying the quiet setting.

 

He was sure that if he had a heart it would have been pounding. Why was he so paranoid? Placing a shaking hand over his chest, he inhaled deeply before letting himself relax. It was just Icecap. Speaking of which, the creature had gotten closer to his station. “Look at me! Look at me! Pay attention to me!” it cried, scrambling up to the wooden stand. Without missing a beat, he turned his gaze away from it, knowing that if he ignored it for long enough, it would eventually give up and go away.

 

“Isn’t my hat great? Look at it!” Icecap whined, shifting back and forth, knocking against the wood to try to get a look from Sans. “Pay attention to me!” Sans wondered how long it would take for it to leave. He wasn’t one to get annoyed very easily, but something about the wailing for recognition today was really pulling at his nerves. Shouldn’t it have given up by now? Or was it just being oddly and obnoxiously persistent? He grit his teeth harder in perseverance as the monster’s voice scraped away at him. It wasn’t like there was any other way to make it leave.

 

The thought appeared in a spontaneous flash. Well, there _was_ another way…

 

Slowly, as to not draw attention to it, he lifted his left hand. A small ‘ding’ resounded and the Icecap was lifted into the air and tossed a few feet away, soul glowing a dark blue. It hit the ground with a little thud, half buried in the snow. The damage wasn’t much, only chipping off a single hitpoint, but it was enough. The little creature pulled itself out of the snow, shaking white flakes off, a pout on its face.

 

“Fine! Someone else will pay attention to me!” It concluded, wandering off in the opposite direction and eventually fading out of sight into the swirling white fog.

 

Silence once again settled onto the area like a coating of dust. Sans lowered his arm and stuck his hand in his pocket, tightly gripping the crumbled paper still inside. He found that he was shivering, despite the inability to feel cold. What _was_ that? It was so unlike him. He wasn’t the sort to lash out or fight. Hell, confrontations were one of things he avoided the most, being as weak as he was. So why…?

 

And more importantly, what was that _feeling_? A sudden surge in his chest as he felt his magic wrap around the Icecap’s soul in an unyielding grip. A kind of satisfaction as it’s HP dropped, even that miniscule amount.

 

He could almost hear an unknown voice whispering familiar words to him, though he was sure he had never heard them before.

 

“ _It doesn’t matter who I hurt. Once I reset, no one will remember.”_

 

Then it was gone. Snuffed out like a flame underwater. A little sound of frustration left him. There was barely a point to knowing resets existed if he couldn’t remember them. He took a few more seconds to think, but to no avail. There was no way to force memories to come up.. He firmly decided not to waste any more time on it. Instead, he stepped out from behind the station and began walking, heading towards the desolate path that cut through the gloomy forest.

 

He stopped when he reached the door. It was huge, several times taller than him, and a bit worse for wear, but that probably had to do with age. Sans pressed his back against it and slid down to the ground, sitting nestled in the snow. He knocked a few times with the back of his hand, knuckles rapping the surface to produce a few hollow sounds.

 

“Knock knock,” he started, sure of what the response would be.

 

“Who’s there?” the voice answered, tone kind, sweet, and light as always.

 

“Beets.”

 

“Beets who?”

 

“Beets me.”

 

The laughter that followed the joke always served well to cheer Sans up. It was so melodious, so sincere, so full of life, like birdsong, pulsing through the door between them. It was enough to make his own ever-constant grin widen, but that didn’t last long until the routine feeling of deja-vu set in. He’d told that joke before, he was sure. But she was still laughing. He supposed that was more important, and brushed the feeling aside.

 

“So, uh, how ya doin’?”  Sans asked.

 

“Well, thank you,” a few giggles were still lacing her speech when she replied. “And you?”

  
“ ‘S been alright. Little chilly though. I guess I’ve been havin’ an _ice_ time lately.”

 

A half giggle, half snort emerges from the door and Sans finds himself grinning again.

 

“Well! I certainly hope you’re keeping warm out there. There is _snow_ place like a nice warm bed!”

 

He laughs, “Today’s shaping up to be a real _pun_ derful day, huh?”

 

The pair descended into conversation, and Sans found himself feeling much better. However slight it was, a little bit of the burden weighing on him was lifted. Unfortunately, their talk was soon cut short.

 

“Oh my! I forgot, I have a pie in the oven! Please, excuse me,” the voice behind the door said.

 

Sans waved a hand through the air, even though he knew she couldn’t see it. “No problem. you don’t want anything burnin’ down.”

 

“...Please come again soon, alright?” She sounded sad, and a tiny hint of guilt tinged her voice. Was she upset to be leaving him in the middle of their talk? With a huff, Sans pushed himself to his feet. “I will. Being here is much more enjoyable than working, anyway.” He waited for a response, and none came. He guessed she had already left. He gazed up at the door and a breath escaped through his teeth as he turned and began heading back to his station. Hopefully, Papyrus hadn’t come by and found it empty yet.

 

It wasn’t long before he exited the denser part of Snowdin forest to the clearing where his checkpoint sat. What he hadn’t been expecting though, was to see that the Icecap was once again milling about in the area. It noticed him in almost an instant, and began towards him, short legs shuffling through the snow.

 

Sans panicked. Not something he did very often. It was because he attacked it, wasn’t it? Because he attacked it, it was going to fight him. There was no way he could fight another monster and survive. He stumbled backwards, throwing out a hand. A cage constructed of blue bones materialized around Icecap. It knocked into the front side of the cage and fell back, a bit dazed and with a hitpoint lost.

 

...There was that feeling again. Something stirring, deep within him. He ignored it, trying to focus on the situation at hand. Icecap had since gotten up and was glaring at him through the wall of blue attacks. “You’re so mean! So rude!” It whined, pushing against the bones a few times and knocking a few more points from its health before returning to stand in the center of the cage.

 

Sans was breathing heavily, hand up and left eye flared a bright cyan. This was a scenario he had never dealt with before. What was he supposed to do? His eye sockets squeezed shut. It was overwhelming, he could barely think, he could barely--

 

_“You could do it, too.”_

 

His eyes shot open, white dots feverishly darting from side to side. There was no one. Icecap was still sitting in the cage of blue bones, grumbling about its imprisonment.

 

_“It doesn’t matter if they die. I’ll just reset, and everything will be normal again.”_

 

The feeling was growing. He could feel it pulsating inside him. Trickling through his bones until it filled his whole body. He was practically teeming with it.

 

A muted ding reverberated as he gripped the Icecap’s soul in his magic with an assurance that didn’t feel like his own. The monster barely seemed to notice at first. Until he started slamming it into the cage of bones. The first few times he did it, it yelped and shouted at him to stop.

 

He didn’t.

 

Over and over, he smashed it against the attacks, exhausting its health bit by bit. Soon it became frantic, flailing pudgy arms and legs through the air. It yelled at him to stop and tried to summon its own attacks outside of the cage, but he didn’t loosen his grip on its soul enough for it to be able to do anything. Its cries only got louder as he went on.

 

-1, -1, -1

 

Again, and again.

 

It was becoming rather battered, and was struggling ever harder against his magic, but it would take an immense amount of energy to break free of this sort of blue attack, which was something Icecap did not have. Time crept by agonizingly slowly, and Sans hoped there wasn’t anyone around to hear the small monster’s shouting while simultaneously wanting nothing more than for someone to find and stop him.

 

...But nobody came.

 

He could tell when its HP was down to about ten or so because it began to look at him instead of struggle, eyes wide in some sickening mix of fear and shock. It must have thought he would stop. It must have thought this was some cruel joke.

 

His hands were shaking, his whole body was wracked with shudders and still, he continued. The only time he paused was when it was at 1HP. It was that last tiny fragment of HOPE left for it.

 

He couldn’t stop _shaking_.

 

His hand tightened into a fist and his eyes closed as he flung it against his attacks. A few patient seconds ticked past and a rather loud _whoosh_ sound was audible. It was only then that he opened his eyes once more, his attacks dissolving.

Sitting in front of him was a small pile of dust, powdering the snow in light grey. The lights in his eyes vanished as he stared at it. The feeling was there once more, overpowering him, dragging him down to his knees in the freezing snow, breath escaping in short gasps.

 

LV increased. ATK increased. DEF increased.


	2. A Secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The plot begins to progress.

Sans decided he hated his newly gained LV. 

 

Hated the burning sensation that had sprung up in his soul. Hated his magic swelling in reverence of his never before had strength. Hated the strange tickle in his ribs and the lightness in his skull. 

 

Most of all, however, he hated how he had felt absolutely nothing as he gathered the dust of his victim-- that’s what it was, right? A victim. God, he was a murderer --and carried it off into the densest part of Snowdin forest that he knew of, burying the remains deep within the snow and dirt. His movements had been nearly robotic as he dug into the solid, frozen ground, dumping the dust into it. Entombing his crime like a secret to never be revealed.

 

Now, Sans sat on the ground behind his sentry post, knees tucked up to his chest and bottles of condiments pushed aside to make room. A few of them had tipped over, spilling thick streams of red and yellow onto the crisp snow, staining it. A single line of thought repeated over and over in his mind, a mantra that tried yet failed to calm him. 

 

_ It’ll reset. It’ll reset. It’ll reset. _

 

It was taking much more effort than usual to get the point across, which was not something Sans liked. Typically, any bad event was something easy to get over, mentally. Just the quick and constant reminder that nothing mattered. Why wasn’t it working now?

  
This was different. He knew that. This wasn’t something that had ever happened before, that he had ever done. 

 

Too new. Too different. He didn’t know how to deal with it other than cower and hide and pray for the reset to come swiftly. 

 

That was when a sound caught his attention. The crunching of snow, churning, heavy footsteps that grew louder with each moment. It was a flash of remembrance that threw Sans off guard, and tossed a single word to the forefront of his thoughts.

 

_ Papyrus. _

 

“Sans? Are you here?”

 

Sans froze. He couldn’t let Papyrus know. There was no way.

 

“SANS?” His brother continued calling, louder this time. In his scramble to get up out of the snow he ended up knocking over a few more of the jars stashed under his post. 

 

“Uh, yeah, hey bro,” Sans said quickly, leaning over the countertop and allowing his natural smile to fully settle across his face. 

 

Please, god, don’t let him notice anything, please-

 

“Ah, Sans, there you are!” Papyrus’ face seemed to light up a bit but almost immediately scrunched into a scowl. “Wait a moment, you were not slacking off, were you?”

 

Sans waved him off, nonchalantly. “Bro, come on, you know me, I always work hard! Look how hard I’m workin’ right now.”

 

Papyrus’ unconvinced look remained. “What are you working hard at?”

 

“Well, doin’ nothing, obviously. It takes a lot of energy.”

 

“ARGH, Sans, you need to take your job more seriously!”

 

He shrugged, his plastered smile feeling just a hint more genuine. “Why don’t you cover my shift for me? I’m ‘bout to head over to Grillby’s for my lunch break. You wouldn’t want to leave this station unmanned, just in case a human comes by.” His gaze dropped a bit. Awful. He was awful. Lying and manipulating his brother this way. “You’d, uh, probably do a better job of it than me, anyway.”

 

The sudden shift of tone in his brother’s voice was obvious. “Well, OF COURSE it would fall to ME the GREAT PAPYRUS to take over for you.” But then the harsh voice melted slightly. “Brother, are you sure you’re alright? You seem a bit…”

 

“Rattled?” Sans offered, grinning.

 

“Ugh, never mind I said anything.” 

 

Sans stepped out from behind the station and winked at his brother. “Thanks, bro. You’re the best.” 

 

“Obviously.”

The shorter skeleton chuckled. He turned away and with one step he blipped out of existence.

 

~~~

 

Sans reappeared outside of Grillby’s. His gaze was lowered, taking in the details of the ground at his feet. 

 

One breath Two breaths. Three breaths.

 

He could do this. He could handle himself. 

 

Broadening his ever present smile, he pushed open the door and stepped inside. A wave of heat washed over him, melting the snow that had fallen and settled onto his shoulders while he’d been standing outside. The restaurant seemed emptier than usual. All the dogs were probably on patrol. A few greetings were tossed his way which he acknowledged with a few nods of his head as he made his way to the bar counter. 

 

“Heya, Grillbz,” Sans said, propping his arms on the counter. The bartender responded with a few crackles and pops of his fire. 

 

“Could I, uh, get a burger? But, make that to go.” 

 

The monster behind the counter nodded mutely and set down the glass he had been drying before turning and disappearing into the back of the restaurant. 

 

Phalanges drummed against the stone counter as he waited, gaze turning left and right across the seating area. So far so good. No one seemed to suspect--

 

“Hiya, Sansy!” He flinched at the sudden sound and turned to see a short bunny monster stumbling towards him. The bunny staggered while approaching the bar before leaping up to take a seat next to him. They cast him a lopsided smile which Sans tried to return the best he could. “Hey bud. How’s ya been?”

 

“Was doing better b’fore Grillby cut me off,” the rabbit mumbled, trying to slam a paw onto the counter but only succeeding in nearly falling off the bar stool. “But Grillby’s pretty h-h-hot so I guess that makes up for it.” Suddenly the rabbit leaned closer to Sans, resting their head against his shoulder. “What about you, Sansy? How are you, how’s your brother?” 

 

“We’ve been just fine.” He nervously eyed the door in the back. On an average day he could tolerate the bunny’s uncomfortable disregard for personal space but today the touch made him feel a little too claustrophobic. 

 

“Aw Sansy you doing okay? You seem a little off.”

 

Sans froze. The image of dust-stained snow flashed in front of him. “Heh, well I missed my mid-day nap today. Everything seems to be getting under my skin,” punctuated his words with a half-hearted laugh. 

 

Before the bunny could reply, the squeak of a door opening became apparent as Grillby stepped out of the back, carrying with him a large brown paper bag. The bartender set the bag down in front of Sans, casting a stern look at the bunny who immediately detached themself from the skeleton’s arm. Sans breathed a quick sigh of relief and gave the flame monster a grateful glance. 

 

“Sorry Sansy. I guess I didn’t realize how close I was getting,” the bunny said. 

 

“S’not a big deal,” Sans replied. “But I sure would appreciate not getting any  _ hare  _ in my food, thanks.” The bunny giggled and batted at him with a free paw before hopping off the stool, presumably to bother a few of the other customers.

 

Sans watched them leave before grabbing the bag from the counter. Just as he was turning to leave, he felt a sudden tug and warmth against his arm. Grillby had grabbed him by the sleeve of his jacket. Something like concern danced in the tongues of flame behind the man’s spectacles. 

 

“Sans, is something bothering you?” the bartender’s whispered, his voice sounding more like the hissing of fire than actual words. Sans shocked still.

 

He knew. That bunny had known, and was off telling everyone. They all knew. They were just toying with him. How long would it last, how obvious had it been, had Papyrus noticed, what was he going to--

 

“Sans.” The crackly voice carved through his thoughts.

 

“‘Course not,” he managed. 

 

Grillby did not look at all persuaded. “It just seems strange to me, that you would choose to order to go when you could easily stay and eat here.”

 

Sans could feel himself slipping. Out, he needed to get out. “Heh, I just feel bad leavin’ Pap with my work when the snow’s still coming down.” He jerked his arm out of Grillby’s grasp and slid off the seat. “Thanks, uh, for the food and for gettin’ the rabbit off me.” Too far, the door was too far. 

 

He needed to leave. 

 

Now.. 

 

Unable to stop himself, he shortcuted out of the bar and collapsed into the snow just outside of the town, next to the bridge that led to the outer areas of the Snowdin region. 

 

Wispy clouds rose and dissipated into the air while Sans wheezed. The bag of food had fallen from his hands into the snow and quietly grew damp by his side. 

 

_ “You’re too paranoid…” _

 

The words were all around him. Surrounding him, drowning him. 

 

Sans stood up. Eyelights swiveled as he tried to find the source of the sound. 

 

“Who are you?” He called to the air.

 

_ “Oh silly, did you really forget me?” _

 

Something below him. Shifting dirt fell away as it pulled its way out of the ground. Golden petals smiled widely up at him as the flower bobbed on its stem. 

 

_ “I’m your best friend!”  _

 

The faint memory of thorny vines creeping and curling around him suddenly resurfaced. Sans remembered pain as his bones cracked and snapped like twigs in the vines’ grip. He took a step back from the flower, shaking his head and laughing quietly. 

 

“Nah  _ bud.  _ You ain’t gonna fool me with that. What do you want?” 

 

Flowey pouted. “I don’t want anything, friend!” 

 

“Yeah, sure. And I never fall asleep on the job.” Sans held out one arm and summoned an attack in his hand, brandishing the bone like a club. “Now don’t leave me hanging on a  _ vine  _ here, pal. I asked ya something.” 

 

Flowey frowned. His petals drooped as he tilted his head to one side.  “Really, Sans. I just hoped we could talk a bit. There isn’t any need for this meaningless violence.” The flower’s mouth contorted into a nasty grin. “Although, I shouldn’t be surprised that’s what you’re resorting to, considering what happened earlier.”

 

Sans felt the lights fade from his eye sockets. The bone attack dissolved as he curled his hands into fists. “Wh-What are you--”

 

“Oh don’t play dumb, ‘pal’ I saw everything.” Flowey giggled while he spoke, relishing in the skeleton’s horror. “You thought that no one was watching. That you could just cover this all up and move on, pretending like it didn’t happen. But here’s the thing. I know  _ everything. _ ”

 

Sans was shaking again. Flowey scoffed. “Hey, there’s no need to get all worked up about it. Besides, nothing matters, right? That’s what you tell yourself every day. None of it matters. No one’s life is really worth anything. Much less getting upset over.” The golden petals beamed at Sans as Flowey flashed a smile. “So, go on and kill to your soul’s content! I won’t judge.”

 

“Heh… well, if you say so,” Sans muttered. Flowey stood up staight on his stem. That was much easier than he had anticipated! He would give himself a pat on the back if he had any hands. “Well friend, I’ll leave you to…” Flowey’s words trailed off as he turned around. Staring him down was a huge skull like beast, jaws parted and energy gathering in its maw. 

 

“To my soul’s content, huh? Then I sure won’t be  _ leaf _ ing you out of this.” 

 

The beast fired. Caught in the ray, Flowey couldn’t move as the beam drained at his health. 

 

_ “Hmph. Well played, trashbag.” _

 

And the world rewound. 

 

~~~

 

Sans woke per usual. Afternoon, with his gaze up at the ceiling overhead. He groaned and instinctively reached up with one hand to try and suppress his headache…

 

...only to realize he didn’t seem to have one. Huh. Sans’ attention turned to the door as sounds filtered through, only slightly muffled by the weak wood. Among the clatter of metal he could hear his brother’s distinct voice as he hummed to himself. 

 

Sans quickly dressed and proceeded to make his way down to the kitchen that sat straight under his own bedroom. He didn’t announce his arrival, instead simply watching as Papyrus flipped a pan of doughy messy… something on the stove. It didn’t take too long for him to be noticed, however.

 

“Ah, brother! You’re up early today!” 

 

Sans let his smile sit. “Am I? Couldn’t tell.” 

 

“Why, of course!” Papyrus moved to turn the stove off, setting the pan of mystery contents on the tabletop beside him. “It’s not even two thirty yet and you’re already awake and dressed and downstairs!” 

 

“You’re not gonna question why?”

 

“Sometimes it’s better to take the good things as they come.”

 

Sans chuckled as he pulled a plate out for himself and sat at the table. “Don’t expect this sort of thing every day. If you want something bright eyed and bushy tailed go catch a squirrel.”

 

“Oh Sans we don’t have eyes OR tails. I would NEVER expect something so impossible from you.”

 

After a bit more empty bickering both brothers were seated at the table, plates piled high with the strange doughy substance. Cooling had made it a bit more solid and the edges were charred but Papyrus seemed pleased with himself so Sans didn’t complain. Although…

 

“Hey, uh, bro?” 

 

“Yes, Sans?”

 

“What, uh, what exactly is it that you’ve made here?” 

 

“Well, I decided I would try to get Undyne SUPER EXTRA proud of me during our next lesson by making something WITHOUT her teaching me first! It’s pancakes, obviously!”

 

Right. Obviously. “Bro, I’m real sorry. You know I love ya and you’re cooking’s real great but I just remembered I promised to meet my good pal for lunch at Grillby’s and bein’ full when I get there would be rude, I think.” 

 

At his brother’s crestfallen look Sans tried to give a sympathetic smile. “But hey, for not having a recipe or any teaching whatsoever this turned out pretty good.” He stood up, patting Papyrus on the shoulder as he headed for the door. “But, uh, careful while you eat it. Don’t wanna give yourself a stomach ache.”

 

At that Papyrus scoffed. “We don’t even have stomachs. But if we did, THE GREAT PAPYRUS would CERTAINLY NOT get a stomachache because he has a stomach forged of STEEL and coated in TITANIUM!” Papyrus beamed and Sans gave him a supportive thumbs up. 

 

“That’s the spirit bro.”

 

~~~

 

Sans’ feet made deep prints in the snow as he trudged to his sentry post. The trip to Grillby’s had been rather uneventful, but it certainly helped get the smell of Papyrus’ cooking out of his head. He picked up his pace a bit, feeling more energized than he had in a long while. Sure it was odd, but he kept in mind his brother’s words about taking good things as they come. 

 

As he traversed the path, a shape began to grow in his vision. The closer he drew to it the larger it became and soon he realized that it was not simply one shape but many. It seemed that the monsters that lived in the forest were gathering together. Snowdrake, Chilldrake, Gyftrot, and a multitude of… 

 

….Icecaps. 

 

His breathing quickened. He felt like every bone in his body was tensed. Subconsciously he counted them. 

 

...ten, eleven, twelve.

Twelve Icecaps.

 

He remembered it now. He could barely believe that he’d forgotten. 

 

The dust that stained the snow. That slipped through his fingers. That he brushed off his jacket. 

 

That fell in a neat stream into the frozen earth. That lay still as it was buried. 

 

He had to leave.

 

Sans stepped back a bit, ducking behind a tree. He pressed his back against the trunk as he hyperventilated, breaths coming much too quickly. 

 

Inhale, hold. Exhale, pause. Inhale, hold. Exhale, pause. 

 

He said the words in his mind as he struggled to perform the actions they were associated with. In the end he ended up a little better, but his head was too light and foggy. Accompanying the dizziness was a strangely familiar tingling in his chest. His soul pulsed, every beat carrying the sensation to a little more of his body. It was… odd. Simply odd. Not unnatural. Perhaps even pleasant. But he felt as though it shouldn’t be there. 

 

Actually, now that he noticed, the feeling had been there for a while. Since he woke up even. It had simply been too small in scale for him to notice. And this reset he’d certainly been much more energetic. Maybe not exactly happy, but certainly functioning better than usual. 

 

Sans shook the thoughts from his head. There was certainly a more important matter. He glanced out from behind the tree trunk at the collection of monsters. He counted again. Yup. Twelve.

 

~~~

 

“Hey bro.”

 

Papyrus jumped at the sound, spinning to see Sans casually leaning against a nearby tree behind him. His eyes narrowed. “Brother are you slacking off again?” 

 

“Pfft, come on bro, I would-- I would never!” The short skeleton threw an arm dramatically over his forehead, feigning a hurt look which was quite difficult to do with his ever constant smile. 

 

“Sans come on! If you’re not going to do your own work don’t impede mine!” Papyrus turned back to the area in front of him, setting down another panel in the snow marked with a large blue X. “Nyeh! This will SURELY stop ANY and ALL humans from getting through!” 

 

“Your puzzles really are the coolest, bro.” 

 

“Well if you put even HALF the effort into your own work that I do I’m sure you’d have cool puzzles too.”

 

Sans shrugged. “I work plenty hard bro. I work real hard at…” his voice suddenly trailed off. Papyrus turned from his puzzle to catch Sans looking down with an expression he couldn’t quite place. 

 

“Brother are you alright?”

 

“Huh, oh yeah, I work real hard at doin’ nothing anyway can I ask you a question?” The words were spilling out a bit too fast now and Papyrus sat back a bit baffled. “Of course, you can ask me anything.” 

 

The shorter skeleton shuffled, digging his hands into his pockets. “The, uh, the Royal Guard keeps a census on all the monsters in Snowdin and Snowdin forest, right?”

 

“Well, yes. Why--”

 

“Do you know how many Ice Caps there are in Snowdin Forest?” 

 

Sans’ face seemed odd. Smile pulled far too tight at the edges, eyes darting nervously, sweat beading on the corners of his skull, it was all off in Papyrus’ opinion. “Twelve,” he responded cautiously. “Why do you need to know…?” The taller skeleton set the remaining labelled panels down in the snow in favor of wringing his hands together. Sans was acting peculiar and it worried him. Upon hearing his answer the older brother had simply let out a sigh of relief, the tension in his joints seeming to fade a bit. 

 

“I’m, uh, planning this prank y’see and I needed to know how many there were.”

 

Papyrus frowned. He opened his mouth, prepared to ask why Sans was lying to him, but then shut it again. Something about his brother’s expression told him he wouldn’t be getting any answers. Typical. So instead he simply said, “Don’t do anything too dangerous with the forest monsters. The guard gets enough complaints from them about the teenagers that play out there.” 

 

Sans gave an offhand salute. “‘Course, sir.” 

 

Papyrus watched as his brother left, his form fading into the snow and ice. Inside of himself, he felt the roots of unease begin to tangle themselves around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoy this rollercoaster.


	3. A Reminder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know, this chapter is a lot shorter than the others but bear with me.

Gyftrot rammed their head against the bone cage surrounding them, a loud _thwack!_ sound echoing off the cliffside.

 

“What is the meaning of this?!” They shouted. The deer-like monster paced anxiously in the snow, hooves creating perfect little depressions in the smooth blanket of white. Sans stood, only a few meters away, just around the corner where the path to the lower ledge met the cliff. His spine was pressed against the rock face hard enough for him to feel the vertebrae being scuffed by the jagged edges right through his clothes. His eyes squeezed shut as the trapped monster once again struck the bone shield holding them prisoner. This time, the sound was accompanied by a loud cracking and by the screaming Sans could tell it was poor Gyftrot’s horn that’d cracked.

 

“If this is one of you youngsters playing pranks it isn’t funny!”  

 

“Oh buddy you wish,” Sans muttered. The hand placed lightly over his chest could feel his soul drumming in excitement. It filled him with guilt. A raw, agonizing guilt that tightened around his bones and pricked like thorns. His other hand resting at his side curled into a fist as he shifted his magic, pulling the cage together. Magic acted as an invisibly rope, tied around the bones, tightening its grip…

 

Gyftrot let out a yelp in alarm and Sans could hear them scrambling about in the snow, searching for an exit that wouldn’t appear.

 

“Stop! Stop this! This is murder!”

 

Sans flinched at the word but only further tugged on his magic. The sooner it was over, the better.

 

“You kids are so cowardly!! At least show yourself, demon!”

 

His breathing was picking up. Sans moved his hand from his chest to cover his mouth, hoping to stifle the sound. Almost over. Almost there.

 

His soul pulsed.

 

There was more shouting. That morphed into screaming. That faded into silence with the sound of released air. Sans sat back, letting his magic relax.

 

LV Increased. ATK Increased. DEF Increased.

 

It was easier this time around.

 

Sans turned the corner and knelt down in the snow, beginning to carefully pile the dust together.

 

 _“Well, well, well,”_ a voice echoed around him shrill with laughter. He cringed upon hearing it. Sans hung his gaze downward and focused on the task in front of him, ignoring the sounds of shuffling snow from behind. That is, until several vines lashed out, grabbing him and forcibly turning him around. Flowey frowned in disappointment. “Not looking at someone while they’re speaking to you is very rude, you know. Didn’t anybody teach you manners?”

 

“Not that I can recall,” Sans breathed out, his words peaking into a small sort of cry as thorny vines dug into him. Flowey giggled, fangs bared in a malicious looking grin. “Oh of course! It was silly of me to ask manners from someone that just committed murder.”

 

Sans went rigid. Unwillingly, he started to tremble and in response, Flowey’s vines loosened their hold. “Hey there friend, don’t freak out, I told you I wouldn’t judge.” Golden petals rustled as Flowey moved closer, further retracting his vines. “I’m just a bit surprised is all.”

 

Sans glared at the flower, still shaking slightly. “A-And, why’s th-that?”

Flowey smiled. A cold, condescending smile. “I thought it would take you longer to break! But I guess the resets were wearing you down more than I thought.” Flowey shook his head and tutted. “You really should show some more of yourself! No fair to hide all your feelings away so I can’t know them.”

 

“You’re a creep.”

 

“And you’re a killer,” Flowey shot back, petals pushing up in anger, but quickly smoothing back down again. “Anyway, you don’t have to worry about me giving away your little secret or anything. I’m actually glad you’re finally following me advice and indulging yourself! It really is magical huh. To see them struggle. To see them turn to dust…”

 

Sans felt his soul begin to pulse at Flowey’s words. The little _devil_ must have noticed it, as he started laughing again.

 

“And the best part is, you can do it over and over again! As much as you’d like! Because once I reset, everyone’s brought back, no ifs ands or buts!”

 

The skeleton thought to the Icecaps in the forest.

 

Sans was trembling again. Shuddering violently as fear racked him. It was fear of what he might do. Fear of what he had the _power_ to do. And in the meantime, the flower had pulled back into the ground, leaving only the gold-petaled head above ground to give him one last nauseating grin before disappearing into the snow.

 

Sans watched the ground as Flowey’s childish laughter echoed in his head.

 


End file.
